I got email from P&G informed me that after considering my background, I do not suit their job position. I was/am sad. This is the job I hope to get. I tried to apply for the same kind of job for a year. Not that there were many. Every time I was just never heard from the company I applied. But this time, it was like being smack in the face that …may be I will never get a job in this field because it was a wrong background from the start.

I know that people have choices but I never been given a chance. It’s been a year and people keep saying that the job market is improving. But if there’s really fundamentally wrong about me, It doesn’t matter how well the economy ,doesn’t it?

I’ve been gloomy for two days. So I think it’s the time of the month, plus the stress of finding job and then the bad news. I am really sad.

Criteria : must be something that will make me energize, not something i should do but i want to do, make it KISS

The contenders:

1. Only touch computer for checking mail, torrents download, read some bb and play evil game (kawaii pokemon) once in the morning, evening (option) and at night before bed.

2. Light off and in bed at midnight and up before 9am (not saying that i will force myself to sleep at midnight but at least I should be in bed and light off)

3. 10 minutes tango, clearing up cluster after dinner

4. read books for at least 30 minutes – clear up your back lot

5. doing any kind of homework 1 hour

6. write online blog

…

this is hard! I could think of only 6 habits right now. will be more, coming soon!

When thinking about this question, some keywords popped up. Verbal, Picture, Word, Listening, Feeling …etc. the list goes on and on.

Since I said that this will be about me, so let’s jump to what was going through my head.

At first, I thought back to the subjects that I took in universities (notice the plural?)

In my undergrad years, the style of teaching was not much different in term of presentation. You would get into big lecture room full of people. Teacher was in the front with an overhead projector and he/she will talk and talk and we students were just had to take notes fast.

I love taking notes with different kinds of color pens. I jotted down what’s the teacher said as precise as possible, as though I was a secretary taking a minutes in a meeting. I was not doing that out of blind stupidity but I found that the more I can write in the teacher’s word, with bits and pieces, I can remember the content better and I can get the feeling and ,hopefully, understand the content more. after understanding all that, I found that examination preparation was just a matter of summarizing the main topics and make sure that I did not miss any important details or mix up the timeline. Oh, yeah. Time line and reasonable order was also important for me.

Third component of my learning tools is kinetic…something something that I can’t catch it when they talked in class but the gist is that when I learn something, and think about it for a while. Then externalised it out to a graph or diagram, that always make me feel deeply understand whatever I was learning. and also understand the situation better. Right now, after working with a training company as executive coach project manager and also assisted in class, I have a courage to write up my own diagram and be able to call it my own.

To my own ability I summarized that I am best learning when someone explain things to me with a story-telling style where there is reason behind all the action. Then, to think further or to analysing situation using that knowledge, I do best with drawing diagram. Better than writing a lot of words. (though words also helps)

But then, someone in class was talking about learning best if she talk out loud. I at first thought that wouldn’t be my style but over a discussion where I mentioned my other learning partner who most of the time having the same issue as me and most of the time, we think alike. and it’s also feel like talking to myself or listen to myself talking about things that I may never thought of.  That’s when it hit home that I am also a verbal processor.

Over the next two weeks,I had a chance to experiment on that new piece of knowledge and found that it work marvelously.

At home, I had this little computer game where you have a screen full of cards and you have to pair the same pattern card. The difficult part is that the position of the cards is crucial because it’s not just pairing but you have to pair cards those are accessible to each other with in 3 strokes. Every time I played this game, my thought is always spiral down to whatever bad things , embarrassing things that ever happen to me in the ….last 30 years of my 30 year-old life. Sometimes, I called this game EVIL! But I know that the evil part is just in my head. (I told my friend at my ex-workplace about this and she doesn’t have the same effect.) Last week, late at night, when I played this game for the last round of the night, my thought went back to the night before at a posh gala dinner rotary charity concert.

At the concert, there’s a plenty of wine and food. I was a bit tipsy with 3 glasses of wine when I met one of my classmate from collage. She came with her uncle, a very young uncle. So, I say hi to the guy and try to make a conversation like asking him how can he get the ticket..where did he work…(imagine that i was a bit tipsy and laugh a lot) He seem a bit reserve. Not openly answer my question. So, I moved on, of course, to the powder room.

Back then, I just felt like he did not want to make a conversation and I’m fine with that but when I was playing this EVIL game, I felt overwhelm with embarrassment.   What will the guy think about me? In Bangkok, being drunk in public is not good. (and why the heck did they serve wine then, if people refrain from enjoying it?) I must say that the feeling of embarrassment was so much that I did a little moaning thinking of how stupid did I look?

Then I stop myself and start talking out loud.

It seem to work!

When thinking in my head, sometimes it’s like my mind keep wandering on its own but saying aloud make so much more sense!

After reasoning with myself that how do I look at the concert won’t effect me in anyway and If people judge me because I like drinking and laughing a bit loud, I certainly do not want them into my circle of friends too. Easy as that!

Well, a year passed and I am now study at coach university. It’s a marvelous school with a lot of support.

I am now at the last quarter of the class and found that the personal foundation class is HUGE! I should realize earlier that I can take this class without prerequisite!

We did so many discussion and I found that I am a verbal processor. Every week, Lynn, our sweet class leader, always posted a powerful question that make us look into ourselves and explore different corner of our beings.

Thing is , me and my learning partners talking about this verbal processing that we both are of that type and my learning partner said that she kept her journal as an aid to her learning process as it’s a kind of verbal processing.

Brilliant! After I did some processing of my own, I decided to do my own journalling.

I did have active blogs/spaces but it’s always about community and friends and I never felt like sharing my own thought with them. I think they will get bored. But what Stacey made me realize was that the blog should be about the blogger, not the reader. So, here is a clean slate for me to keep mumbling on about me and me. I certainly feel fantastic!